A few things I’m about to say may seem familiar to anyone who have had relationships with narcissists or other cluster B personalities. You’ve either heard these things verbatim or in some form.
So without further ado, let’s get to the infuriating things narcissist’s say.
“You’re to blame.”
The first thing you’re likely to hear from a narcissist is something along the lines of “It’s all your fault.”
So, yes, I yelled, yes, I raised my voice, yes, I stonewalled you, yes, I cheated, but it’s your fault.
When you’re dealing with a narcissist, blame shifting is very common.
Any emotionally abusive person, especially a narcissist, has difficulty being held accountable for their actions. They have the ability to do everything bad.
However, if you try to point out something they did wrong, they may lie about it. If they can’t lie about it, it’s your fault.
They need a way out, and you’re that way out. If you’ve heard this before, you should be aware.
Hopefully, you have figured it out by now. Whatever the narcissist does, it is not your fault.
We must all accept responsibility for our own actions. Whatever they did, you didn’t force them to do it. Their reaction to whatever you did is something they should own. They won’t. They can’t, but they should own it. It’s not yours.
“Of course you’ll act that way.”
The second thing narcissists frequently say to shift blame and keep you under control is that you’re crazy and possibly jealous. As a result, this will frequently come up when the narcissist is cheating. They might say, “Well, of course you’re going to act that way.” Simple questions that an emotionally healthy person who isn’t hiding anything would have no trouble answering. A narcissist who is hiding something, on the other hand, will make you defend yourself so they don’t have to answer the question.
“Good luck replacing me.”
When they say things like that, they’re implying that you don’t deserve them and that they’re lowering themselves to be with you. If you’ve ever heard this, I hope your reaction was “thank goodness”. They are oblivious to the fact that they are emotionally abusive and are destroying your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. They are oblivious to the consequences of their actions and refuse to accept responsibility for them.
“You’re so stuck in the past.” (Insert eye roll.)
They don’t want to be bothered. You’re bringing up the same issues over and over because there are issues that an emotionally healthy person would recognize and address. However, the narcissist does not recognize them and does not work on them. They’ll try to turn it around on you and say, “Well, here you go again, bringing up this old stuff.” They might say something like, “I thought we resolved this already.” Once again, they’re turning it around on you so they don’t have to take responsibility for their bad behavior. If you’re doubting yourself, they’ve got you under control.
“I’ve never experienced this problem with any other partner.”
This one is a little tricky because you might say something similar to the narcissist because you recognize that this relationship is unlike anything else.
However, when it comes from someone who is emotionally abusive, it is likely a lie because we know how predictable these people are. How they act in your relationship is very likely to be similar to how they acted in a previous relationship or with someone else. Even if it isn’t, they are still triggering that individual. They are still abusing that individual in some way.
Even when we’re talking about a narcissistic parent with a golden child, the relationship isn’t always healthy. There is always some level of abuse. They might argue, “Well, I don’t have this problem with this other person.” This was never an issue with my most recent ex. It’s just you. Once again, make no mistake, this is triangulation. They’re attempting to create a hierarchy, and you’re not at the top. Whoever they are comparing you to is at the top, while you are at the bottom.
“You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”
While that is a valid statement for some people, it is also true that some people overreact. Sometimes people make mountains out of mole hills. When you’re talking to an emotionally abusive person, such as a narcissist, it’s usually about something very important.
Maybe the narcissist is cheating on you, or maybe they’re lying to you about finances or something else important. You’re bringing it up because it’s an issue that needs to be addressed in any relationship, and they make it appear like you’re overreacting. This isn’t the big deal you’re making it out to be.
They may also accuse you of relishing causing squabbles or picking fights. If it isn’t this, it will be something else.
If you’re not a narcissist, this can have an effect on you because you recognize that you have a lot of issues with this person. You have a lot of issues with this person because there are a lot of issues to have.
You’re in a relationship with someone who can’t self-reflect. As a result, any problems you have will reoccur. They will be ongoing. You’re also in a relationship with someone who lacks emotional empathy. They have no qualms about hurting your feelings. There will be things that come up on a daily basis. There will be things that you disagree with. When the narcissist flips the script on you, you may begin to wonder if it is you. Perhaps I should just let things go. How convenient for the narcissist that you suspect this person is cheating but are sensitive about how frequently you’ve brought this up.
So you don’t say anything and just let it go. This is how the narcissist maintains control over you.
“You’re hurting people you care about.”
Narcissists frequently claim that your actions are causing harm to others. When a narcissist realizes they’re losing control of you and you’re not buying into the other things, the narcissist will tell you everyone else is against you in some way.
They will use other people to make you feel guilty or feel bad about yourself.
As an example, consider the following. You have had no contact with the narcissist or the extreme gray rock in your life. You only see them when absolutely necessary, and you have nothing to say to them when you do.
You’ve probably realized that you’ve had to cut a few people out of your life in the process. It could be the narcissist’s family, mutual friends, or even some of your own family members. These are extremely difficult decisions to make. If you’ve identified that these people are flying monkeys who will go back to the narcissist and tell them things about you, you’ve made the right decision. However, the narcissist will almost certainly make you feel guilty for it, and they will almost certainly bring it up.
Whether it’s true or not, they’ll almost certainly say, “Oh, well, so and so is heartbroken.” Alternatively, I can’t believe you cut this person off.
When it comes to other people, the narcissist knows how to get to you, so they may use them to make you feel guilty for cutting the narcissist and possibly other people out of your life. The goal of making you feel guilty is to re-establish control over you.
If you let these other people back into your life and they turn out to be flying monkeys for the narcissist, the narcissist will learn more about you and will have a way to reach you.
These people may tell you information about the narcissist, or they may obtain information from you and pass it on to the narcissist, allowing the narcissist to reopen a door that you had previously closed. It’s just another method of getting you under control. Best believe that the narcissist is unconcerned about the emotions of others. They don’t care if someone else’s feelings are hurt. They’re only bringing it up so they can get to you.
Repurposed by MUNCH