Narcissists and the truth go together like oil and water, and nothing is really off-limits. If you’ve been with a narcissist, you know this.
But there are some common lies that all narcissists tell, and we are going to cover those in today’s post. Let’s get to it.
Today’s topic is the lies that all narcissists tell in some form or another. So, if you’ve ever been around a narcissist, you’ve probably heard some variation of one of these lies, if not all of them.
So, talking through the lies that narcissists tell isn’t just about commiserating, though that can be an important part of the healing process as well. It’s more about validation.
And it’s about finally making sense of things that haven’t made sense for so long, and realizing that you’re not alone in this. Yes, it can be infuriating, but you are not alone. There is an entire community of people who have dealt with the negative consequences of having a relationship with a narcissist in some form or another.
So let’s get started on the lies that narcissists tell.
1. “You can be vulnerable with me”
The first is that you can be vulnerable with me. They may state this unequivocally.
They may tell you that you can be vulnerable, that it’s okay to share your stories, experiences, feelings, and difficulties. But, unfortunately, that’s never safe when you’re dealing with a narcissist.
This isn’t something you’ll be able to use to tell if you’re dealing with a narcissist because, in reality, you should be able to be vulnerable with people close to you.
So, just because someone tells you that you should be vulnerable with them, it doesn’t necessarily imply that they are a narcissist. But this is a lie that all narcissists tell in some way. They may even drive it home by making you feel at ease. They may actually say the words, or they may do so by asking you questions and telling you stories from their own lives to help you let down your guard.
2. “You can count on me”
So the second lie that all narcissists tell is that you can count on me or “I have your back.”
And, unfortunately, even if the person you’re dealing with is a highly narcissistic person, even if they mean it at the time, there’s really only one person they’re looking out for, and that’s themselves.
Narcissists will always protect their own interests. And, yes, they might do nice things for you or other people if it’s convenient for them or if they can benefit from it. But, when it comes down to it, if they simply don’t want to do something for you, they won’t.
As a result, they may create the impression that “we’re all in this together.” I’ve got your back, and you have mine.
Unfortunately, most of us discover, at the worst possible time, that the other person is not truly there for us. In fact, they can change their tune very quickly.
A narcissist can go from being your best friend and someone who is in your corner to to someone who is completely against you, someone who is smearing your name or actively attempting to harm you. And they can make this switch about as fast as you can bat an eye.
As a result, unfortunately, many of us are left feeling foolish for having trusted this person in the first place. But, really, it’s not your fault that you’re in this situation. It’s by design. These are some of the core lies that narcissists tell in order to get you to give up your card and trust them.
3. “It’s not my fault”
The third lie that all narcissists tell is that nothing is my fault.
Whatever goes wrong simply cannot be their fault. And, even if they appear to be taking responsibility for something, it’s usually for something minor or peripheral to what’s really going on.
Narcissists are notorious for refusing to accept responsibility for their bad behavior. And, as I’ve discovered through experience, they’re also very good at justifying their bad behavior.
So, instead of accepting responsibility and admitting, “Yes, I should not have done that,” they may say, “I did that because of this.”
And, to some, it may even appear to be a very good explanation. Someone who doesn’t know the entire story might believe them because they’re really good at justifying things. And then that person takes the narcissist side, because, well, it can’t be their fault.
The narcissist was completely justified in their actions (gag). But after a while of being around a narcissist, this gets old fast.
And you may begin to notice that you become irritated even when you see them doing this with other people because you know how satisfying it would be if this person simply took responsibility for anything.
4. “It will get better”
The fourth lie that all narcissists tell is that things will improve. And, unfortunately, if you’ve been there, which I’m guessing you have, you know where this goes.
It never gets better with a narcissist. It only gets worse. If they have devalued you, discarded you, or used you as a punching bag in the past; it will be much easier for them to do so in the future.
They will, in fact.
However, even before that point, you may notice some variation of what we call future faking. A narcissist will promise you anything you want at this point.
So let’s say you’re in a romantic relationship and you want to get married and have children. That’s what the narcissist will promise you -this is what we’re working towards and that we’re so close. And it’ll always be a carrot that they’ll dangle in front of you. You won’t want to walk away because you think you’re so close to getting everything you wanted.
You think that even though things are bad now, they will improve. Except they won’t.
Future faking can also happen with a narcissistic boss. That could come in the form of a promotion or a pay raise. But these are lies. They may tell these lies in various ways, but the end result is the same.
5. “I’m the most honest person you’ll ever meet”
I’m the most honest person you’ll ever meet: lie number five.
And if you’ve met someone like this before, you know that someone who’s truly honest doesn’t need to tell you how honest they are.
But as humans, we like to give others the benefit of the doubt.
And if someone claims to be completely honest, you want to believe them. It isn’t until you are much further into the relationship that you realize how false this one is.
Even if a narcissist tries not to tell outright lies, they will always have secrets. Narcissists require a constant supply.
It’s a challenge to avoid lying when you have a lot to hide. You have to lie in order to keep those secrets hidden, to keep those skeletons in the closet.
And even if the narcissist isn’t outright lying to you, they may be omitting significant amounts of information that would be extremely beneficial to you.
Let’s take a look at a friendship as an example. Assume you’re friends with a narcissist and they have tickets to a game you’d like to attend. So they’re making you jump through hoops because they know you want these tickets, right? As a result, they’re asking you for favors and taking full advantage of the situation.
It would be super helpful to know that they have already given the tickets to someone else.
A narcissist is not likely to volunteer that information if it will get in the way of them getting what they want.
And this is one of those gray areas that aren’t actually gray areas.
Just because they aren’t outright lying, just because they aren’t saying, “Well, I didn’t give these tickets away,” doesn’t mean they are telling the truth.
They are not being truthful. That’s what they call lies of omission, and it’s very common among Narcissists.
6. “I’m going to change”
The sixth lie is that I intend to change.
I’m going to be more polite.
I‘m going to do whatever you want me to do around here.
And this is a lie you will only hear when the Narcissists require something from you. So, let’s say they discarded you and are returning on a Hoover because they need supply and you are the quickest route to get there.
They’ll make you promise that you won’t be able to keep. They’ll promise you that things will get better, that they’ll go to counseling, or that they’ll be nicer to you and improve their behavior.
But if you’ve been here before, you’ll know that this is completely false.
7. “I love you”
The seventh lie you may hear from a narcissist is the harshest. It’s a difficult one to hear, and it’s even more difficult to share with you. But the truth is that I love you is a lie when a narcissist says it.
It’s unfortunate and sad all around, but narcissists lack the emotional empathy needed for true human connection.
And it is also due to this lack of empathy that they are able to harm others without remorse. If you’ve been here, I empathize with you because I’ve been here as well.
It’s at this point, when you realize the lie, that you’re likely to feel betrayed.
You might be thinking, “How could anyone who ever loved me treat me like this?” How can someone who cares be so cruel? And, unfortunately, it is a narcissist’s lack of empathy that allows them to turn off the kindness and turn on the hate with lightning speed.
8. ” You are worthless”
And the final lie that all narcissists will tell you is that you are worthless.
That is a blatant lie.
And, unfortunately, it’s one that many of us end up believing because, after years of abuse, we lose touch with who we truly are. We lose touch with our sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
And if you’re in this position as a result of a relationship with a narcissist, regardless of the type of relationship, I’d like to share a post with you that contains some powerful affirmations to help you get through this time. Of course, affirmations aren’t going to be the only thing that helps you heal, but they can’t help you get started. So I’m going to put this post right here and see you next time.
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