If you’ve had an encounter with any type of narcissist or emotional abuser, you might be thinking you had an encounter with the devil incarnate.
Believe me, I get it…
But are narcissists really evil?
We’re going to explore that question in today’s blog post.
This may not be a black-and-white issue (regardless of what anyone says), but I have some thoughts to share with you on the whole concept of narcissists being evil.
But first, there are a few things we have to understand.
Not all narcissists are the same
You might have heard the term malignant narcissist being thrown around. It’s usually meant to refer to narcissists who are extremely destructive. At this intense level of narcissism, narcissists are likely also sociopaths or psychopaths.
And those people are extremely malignant.
I’d argue that all people with NPD are malignant in their own way. They are all selfish to the point where they are willing and able to hurt others without remorse.
But the level of damage is strongly correlated with their level of disorder.
So someone who is lower on the spectrum but still lacking empathy will not be nearly as damaging as someone at the malignant sociopath or psychopath level.
Narcissism is a defense mechanism
Although there may be other factors involved, most experts agree that narcissism is often formed as a defense mechanism that children engage between the ages of 2 and 5. It’s usually a response to abuse, neglect or some other trauma.
This understanding should never negate the trauma this person has inflicted upon you. But it should help you understand that their issues have nothing to do with you.
Childhood trauma isn’t an excuse for bad behavior in any adult.
But we know that carrying hate is bad for the soul. And it’s best to try to understand this person’s condition, so you can heal and move forward without carrying hate in your own heart.
Narcissists don’t care about you
I went through this crazy, fearful period after learning about covert narcissism. After realizing that this person had knowingly hurt me again and again, and wanted to keep doing so, I was afraid. I thought he was out to get me and would stop at nothing to hurt me.
But after I learned about narcissism, I learned that wasn’t true at all. He didn’t care about me at all. I was a source of supply and nothing more.
“Destroying me” would take too much time and energy away from getting supply in other places and it wouldn’t be worthwhile for him. Plus, it would make him look like a bad guy, and that wasn’t his thing.
Now, I realize that many of you encounter the type of narcissist that enjoys the takedown with flying monkeys and the whole nine. I’ve seen it happen. It’s ugly.
But it’s the drama that’s giving this narcissist supply. So whether you’re dealing with someone who likes to hoover and discard or someone who has hoards of flying monkeys, they’ll go away when you stop reacting (providing supply).
Okay, now that we’ve covered narcissism, let’s define evil.
To answer this question, I’m going to define evil as malicious intent, which means they are driven to hurt you. That’s their motivation.
And that actually doesn’t describe most narcissists.
Most narcissists are driven to meet their own selfish needs for supply. And their lack of empathy allows them to hurt you in the process.
Are narcissists evil?
The large majority of narcissists are extremely dangerous to your emotional wellbeing if you let them close enough to hurt you. But their goal isn’t to hurt you (unless you’re dealing with an especially malignant narcissist).
After a whole lot of research on the disorder, I’m going to give the answer of No, most narcissists are not actually evil. But I know there are exceptions.
There are some really dangerous, and probably evil, narcissists out there – but these people are most-likely also sociopaths or psychopaths. This isn’t the garden-variety narcissist.
So what have you experienced? Have you encountered a truly evil narcissist? Or do you think they’re all evil? Let me know in the comments.