7 Phrases Narcissists Use to Twist Reality

Narcissists have a knack for using words as tools to manipulate others and control situations to their advantage. Today, we're going to dig into seven common phrases that narcissists use to twist your sense of reality. By recognizing these tactics, you'll be more prepared to protect yourself.

1. "You're too sensitive."

This one’s a favorite. Perhaps you've heard this phrase in some variation or another—it’s meant to make you doubt your feelings.

• Why It’s Gaslighting: No one has the right to tell you how much to feel. Often, those who say this don’t realize how problematic it is, but a narcissist certainly does.
• Example: Imagine a narcissist in your life who makes jokes at your expense, especially in front of a crowd. When you confront them, they tell you, "You're too sensitive." This dismisses your feelings and allows them to continue without addressing the harm they cause.

How to Handle It: If someone regularly tells you that you're too sensitive, consider making some changes to protect your emotional well-being. Remember, your feelings are valid.

A Comment from YouTube: "It's so hypocritical when they call us sensitive. If you ever give them a taste of their own medicine, they absolutely make a big deal about it. They can dish it out, but they cannot take it."

2. "That's not how it happened."

Narcissists love to rewrite history to fit their narrative.

• Why It’s Dangerous: This phrase lets them deny any wrongdoing and make you question your own memory.
• Example: Suppose you confront a narcissist about an insult they made about your cooking. They respond, "That's not how it happened. I actually complimented you." This clear reversal of facts is a strategic lie.

How to Handle It: Trust your gut and keep records when possible—texts, emails, or even a journal can be invaluable.

A Comment from YouTube: "Narcissists always want to rewrite history with them as the good guy and you as the bad guy. The best thing to do is go no-contact or distance yourself if that’s not possible."

3. "You overthink everything."

This phrase can seem harmless but is used to shut you down.

• Why It’s Problematic: It dismisses your valid concerns and allows the narcissist to continue their behavior without accountability.
• Example: Imagine you see a flirty text from your partner's coworker. When you bring it up, they say, "You're overthinking it. It's just work stuff." This minimizes your concerns and shifts the blame to you.

How to Handle It: Understand that overthinking can become inevitable in these situations. Recognize this as their tactic to avoid responsibility.

A Comment from YouTube: "I don't know if I just way overthink things or if I've been gaslit my whole life. It’s complicated when the narcissist is a close family member, but distancing yourself is sometimes necessary for healing."

4. "It's all your fault."

This phrase is a giant blame-shifting weapon for narcissists.

• Why It’s Control: It allows them to avoid responsibility and make you the scapegoat.
• Example: You’re late to an event because they took ages to get ready, but it’s somehow your fault.

How to Handle It: Only accept responsibility for what is truly yours. Everyone makes mistakes, but constant blame is a red flag.

A Comment from YouTube: "When someone says, 'It's all my fault, isn’t it?’ sarcastically, it’s actually all your fault."

5. "I never said that. You must be confused."

This phrase is another way to rewrite history.

• Why It’s Manipulative: It allows the narcissist to dodge commitments and make you question your memory.
• Example: They promised to help you move but when you confront them, they say, "I never said that. You must be confused."

How to Handle It: Trust your memory and keep evidence. It’s not about forgetfulness; it’s a strategy.

A Hypothetical Comment from You: "The person would claim I said things I hadn't, and whenever I’d say, 'I never said that,' they’d remember things conveniently to avoid responsibility."

6. "I did it for your own good."

This phrase sounds caring but often masks controlling or harmful behavior.

• Why It’s Manipulative: It allows them to justify their actions while appearing as the hero.
• Example: They read your private messages without permission and say, "I did it for your own good. Just making sure you’re safe."

How to Handle It: Ask yourself if their actions truly benefit you or if they mainly serve them. Does it respect your boundaries?

7. "You're making a big deal out of nothing."

• Why It’s Minimizing: This phrase shrinks your concerns and dismisses your feelings.
• Example: They constantly cancel plans last minute. When you express your hurt, they respond, "You’re making a big deal out of nothing."

How to Handle It: Understand that your feelings are valid. No one else can decide what’s a big deal for you.

Conclusion

Dealing with a narcissist is challenging, especially when they twist reality to serve their needs. While talking it out with most people can be helpful, doing so with a narcissist often meets major resistance. Instead, arm yourself with knowledge, trust your gut, and consider distancing yourself for your own well-being.

And remember, your feelings and experiences are valid. Protect yourself from these manipulative tactics, and always prioritize your emotional health.

What’s Next?

If you’re ready to move on from a narcissist and regain control of your life, sign up for the free five-day breakthrough challenge. Shift your focus from rumination to recovery and take the first step towards healing.